This time of the year is Hard for me Emotionally

In 1992, I was pregnant but lost my baby due to my pregnancy being ectopic, my pregnancy was fairly long for an ectopic, I was between 3 and 4 months pregnant when I lost my baby who I named Sarah Ashley.

This happened June 4th 1992 and 11 months later on May 21st 1993 my mother passed away.

My mother was only 46 years old when she died and she got sick with the flu and a week later she was gone.

So now on May 21st I have the anniversary of my mothers loss and 2 weeks later on June 4th its my babies loss that I remember.

Then on July 21st its my birthday.

I think the loss of my baby is made harder by the fact that I am not able to get pregnant after losing her, as one fallopian tube burst because of the pregnancy and the other became completely blocked due to surgery, plus I have PCOS ( Poly-Cystic Ovaries ) and I have a severe form of it.

Being a parent is the only thing I have ever wanted since I was 13 years old.

But I have no parents and no children.... of course really I should say I have no living children as I have a child in heaven, so I really I am a mother but to many people they dont see it that way.

So yeah, this time of the year is hard for me to deal with.. some years are easier than others.. this year (2012) seems to be a hard one.  I wish that I could go back in time just to hold my mum again for a minute and tell her that I love her with all my heart.

I know that she would have known that, but I want to do it, not because I dont think she knew, but because I think she deserved to hear it more.