I'm So Distressed

On Wednesday July 25th 2012 at 9:37 pm .... My tiny chihuahua boy Sheldon died in my arms at the age of 7 weeks and 4 days.

I have been devistated by his loss and have been crying nearly once every hour since his death. Including crying myself to sleep.

On Monday morning he had a seizure and he threw up after and seemed tired after but also seemed fairly fine... On Tuesday he was again very tired but did drink and eat ... But then on Wednesday he was fairly cold and dehydrated and hardly moving so we took him straight to the vet who gave him fluids both internally and under his skin ... he couldnt have a drip because of being so tiny.... The vet called at 2pm to say he was doing a bit better and to call them at 5 to see if he could come home...

So at 5 we called and they said he was still unwell but could come home with us, so we went and got him... they gave us some glucose to mix up and to give him a few drops every 30 minutes or so and we were told to keep him warm ...

About an hour after getting home he wanted to go on the floor, where he pooped and then walked over to the water bowl, but didnt have anything to drink... I picked him back up and gave him a bit of glucose and kept him warm... He seemed to do so much better and with his walk to the water bowl I was feeling much happier about his condition, but then he started to have small seizures, within minutes of each other and then he died in my arms.

He is being cremated and I will have a silver locket with some of his ashes in as well as a silver heart with the rest of his ashes in... In the gold locket I have, I have some of his fur, which my husband cut from Sheldon for me.

I had hand raised this little man from basically the time he was born and he was such a mamma's boy, he would come to me the minute he heard my voice. He was the closet thing I had to a human baby.

I can not understand it and I just want to rewind time to when Sheldon was just 4 weeks old and start again from there and do things slightly different, like I would keep him from his siblings who were rather mean to him... as maybe they were too rough on him and banged his soft spot early monday morning which then caused his seizures... If I haad kept him isolated until they went to new homes maybe he would still be here... There are other things that I keep thinking about... but I know none of it will bring him back.... but I cant deal with his loss, I miss him so much.

This is the poem I wrote for him the day after he died...

"Sheldons Loss"

The heavens cried
The night Sheldon died
The tiniest biy
Filled my heart with joy
But now he is gone
I dont want to go on
So much pain
In my heart and brain
Something has died
Deep inside
And its ripped me apart
And its killed my heart.

This photo of Sheldon taken 12 days before he died.













He was such a beautiful, loving little boy who just wanted to be with me as soon as he would hear my voice.

Fur Kids

People who have children and those who dont like animals always say animals are not the same as human children, but I would like to disagree with this.

On June 2nd 2012 my chihuahua gave birth to a pup and the next day on June 3rd 2012 she had the other 3 pups delivered by C-Section because one pup was way too big for her to deliver naturally and it was stopping the other 2 from being born.

The first chihuahua pup was the smallest, I guess many people would call it the runt, but to me its just a chihuahua that has more small genes than big genes.... hmm let me explain that ...

Each chihuahua has 6 size genes, 3 from their mother and 3 from their father, a standard size chihuahua will have S gene, S gene, S gene, L gene, L gene, L gene ....

A larger chihuahua may have S gene, S gene, L gene, L gene, L gene, L gene

A smaller chihuahua may have S gene, S gene, S gene, S gene, L gene, L gene

So this pup obviously have more of the S gene.

Anyway from about day 2 I noticed that he wasnt putting on weight and was in fact losing weight, so I decided that he needed bottle feeding as he may have been finding it hard to suck or maybe he could get a nipple with the bigger pups being more forceful.

I had Devetalac milk powder ready just in case and so I started to bottle feed him... he started to increase in weight.

Now I had to get up every 3 to 4 hours to make him a bottle, and I have done that for nearly 6 weeks, as he just turned 6 weeks old Saturday 14th of July 2012 and on the 12th or 13th I finally stopped bottle feeding him.

Now like any new mother of a human baby, I have had sleepless nights having to get up to feed my fur baby, I've been pooped, peed and even had formula thrown up on me, and I had to deal with colic and constipation in my fur baby.

So how anyone can say that my fur baby is not the same as a human baby is beyond me. Especially as Chihuahua's can live to be 20 years old.

Sure fur children are different to human children in many ways, but they both have good and bad points... sure I will never hear my fur children call me mummy but I can leave my children home alone when they are 6 months old and not get in trouble. Sure I cant take my fur children every where with me as so many places wont allow animals, but my fur children love me unconditionally and will never tell me that they hate me or that I am mean for grounding them...

So yes fur children are not like human children in many ways but human children ae not like fur children either.

I cant have human children and I have tried everything to become a mother to a human child, but its obviously not meant to be and for me thats something that I am not able to get over, but I'm not as obsessed with having a human child now as I was,but even if I was able to become a mother to a human child I dont think that I would change the way I see my fur children.

:)

Most people with Aspergers autism find it much easier to connect to animals than to people, I believe thats due to the fact that animals dont judge and they love unconditionally, so when we have a meltdown and scream and carry on, they still love us and dont judge us for it. We dont need to try and interperate the meaning behind what they say, we dont ever feel uncomfortable or anxious around animals .... Except those that we may have actual phobias of; such as spiders for example.

:)

This is a photo of my baby Sheldon ... The smallest one there with the white spot on the back of his neck... He is having some dinner with his 2 sisters and 1 brother.

This photo was taken the same day as this post was made.




Sheldon is the light of my life.