A Realisation...

The other day when I was being driven around in the Dandenong Ranges, I had such a feeling of being normal ...

Then I thought about it and realized that its not a feeling of being normal ... because I dont know what normal feels like...

What it is, is a feeling of freedom ... I'm at that time free of worry, free of anxiety, free of stress ... and that feeling is wonderful ... it never lasts but its always such a happy carefree feeling...

It does make you realise though how much you do stress and worry and are anxious when you have Aspergers.

I'm Autistic - Poem by me.

I'm Autistic - Poem by me.



I am Autistic,

I have Aspergers Syndrome,

It now explains a lot,

But I wish when I was younger I had of known.

I lived my life,

trying to hide,

Just how different,

I felt inside.

Watching people,

to see what they would do,

so I could learn,

to be normal to.

Eye contact,

I can do it,

because I learnt,

people expect it.

Small talk I find so hard,

and being in crowds upsets me,

I dont always understand what you mean,

but this is how I will always be.

I look at most things in a logical way,

yet when I say things,

It doesnt seem to come out right,

and I feel like I'm walking on needles and pins.

Its easy for someone to judge me as normal,

because they cant see the world through my eyes,

watching people and learning what to do,

so I wont meltdown and scream and cry.

When I cant understand the world,

Cant understand what people want from me,

Dont want people to think I'm crazy,

Just want to be free..


© 2011 - K B

I dont like my IQ score ...

I have Aspergers ...

My IQ is in the Very Superior range which is 130 and above ... mine is 136 if you are wondering..

Yet I got a second test done a few years later so I could try and get a lower score.. I did get a lower score of 122, which is in the Superior range.. I had hoped to get a score closer to normalm which is between 90 and 110..

You are probably wondering why I would want a lower IQ score ...

The fact is that I dont want to be smart... I learnt early on that if people know you are smart they expect more from you, and when you dont deliver they are upset..

Also being smart can make you a target, so being of normal intelligence means you are less likely to be hurt...

I was about 5 or 6 when a teacher told mum she was amazed because I could spell Telephone correctly when no one else my age could.. That was when I started to learn to not be smart..

I enjoy watching people, because by watching I learn how normal people should act and react in situations... So I can then pass myself off as normal..

I've learnt that people prefer it if you look in their eyes when they talk and you talk, it shows you are listening...

I can look people in the eye 99% of the time.. although sometimes I look to intently, which aparently also upsets people at times ...

When I am upset or stressed I hum or move my fingers, tapping or touching, or I move some part of me.. a lot of the time if I am around other people I can catch myself before anyone else notices.

When I am really really stressed out I become mute, and cant talk even if I want to, and believe me I have tried to talk while mute and my brain just wont allow it.

I am at times like a little child and when I need comforting I will grab a teddy to hold.

Most People dont get to see what Aspergers is like for me because I hide it from them, even though to do so makes me stressed.

The only person who knows me completely is my husband, he is the one who cares for me, makes sure that I feel loved, happy and secure.. He looks after me when I cant look after myself very well.. He deals with my meltdowns, anger and crying and stress.

He is an angel / saint, because even though I know I am hard to handle sometimes, he still loves me, so much.

So What is Asperger Syndrrome ? --- Extra Long post ---

I have Aspergers ...


SO WHAT IS ASPERGER'S SYNDROME?


... Asperger’s Syndrome is a lifelong disability that affects how a person makes sense of the world, processes information and relates to other people.

... Asperger’s Syndrome is often described as a 'spectrum disorder' because the condition affects people in many different ways and to varying degrees.

... Asperger’s Syndrome is mostly a 'hidden disability'. This means that you can't tell that someone has the condition from their outward appearance.



People with the condition have difficulties in three main areas. They are:



.... Social communication ......

...... Social interaction ......

...... Social imagination .....



... While there are similarities with autism, people with Asperger‘s syndrome have fewer problems with speaking and are often of average, or above average, intelligence. They do not usually have the accompanying learning disabilities associated with autism, but they may have specific learning difficulties. These may include dyslexia and dyspraxia or other conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and epilepsy.



... With the right support and encouragement, people with Asperger’s syndrome can lead full and independent lives.



CHARACTERISTICS

The characteristics of Asperger’s syndrome vary from one person to another but are generally divided into three main groups



.. DIFFICULTY WITH SOCIAL COMMUNICATION ..

"If you have Asperger’s syndrome, understanding conversation is like trying to understand a foreign language."



People with Asperger’s syndrome sometimes find it difficult to express themselves emotionally and socially. For example, they may:



… Have difficulty understanding gestures, facial expressions or tone of voice

… Have difficulty knowing when to start or end a conversation and choosing topics to talk about

… Use complex words and phrases but may not fully understand what they mean

… Be very literal in what they say and can have difficulty understanding jokes, metaphor and sarcasm. For Example, a person with Asperger’s syndrome may be confused by the phrase 'That's cool' when people use it to say something is good.

… In order to help a person with Asperger’s syndrome understand you, keep your sentences short - be clear and concise.



..DIFFICULTY WITH SOCIAL INTERACTION..

"I have difficulty picking up social cues, and difficulty in knowing what to do when I get things wrong."



Many people with Asperger’s syndrome want to be sociable but have difficulty with initiating and sustaining social relationships, which can make them very anxious. People with the condition may:



… Struggle to make and maintain friendships

… Not understand the unwritten 'social rules' that most of us pick up without thinking. For example, they may stand too close to another person, or start an inappropriate topic of conversation

… Find other people unpredictable and confusing

… Become withdrawn and seem uninterested in other people, appearing almost aloof

… Behave in what may seem an inappropriate manner



..DIFFICULTY WITH SOCIAL IMAGINATION..

"We have trouble working out what other people know. We have more difficulty guessing what other people are thinking."



People with Asperger’s syndrome can be imaginative in the conventional use of the word. For example, many are accomplished writers, artists and musicians. But people with Asperger’s syndrome can have difficulty with social imagination. This can include:



… Finding it hard to predict what will happen next and Imagining alternative outcomes to situations.

… Reading other people's facial expressions and body language and understanding other people's thoughts, feelings, actions.

… Having a limited range of imaginative activities, which can be pursued rigidly and repetitively e.g. Lining up toys or collecting and organising things related to his or her interest.

… Some children with Asperger’s syndrome may find it difficult to play 'let's pretend' games or prefer subjects rooted in logic and systems, such as mathematics.

…Intense Interests

…Love of routines

…Sensitive to loud noises, textures, foods and situations.

…Compulsive Movements



WHAT CAUSES ASPERGER’S SYNDROME?



The exact cause of Asperger’s syndrome is still being investigated. However, research suggests that a combination of factors - genetic and environmental - may account for changes in brain development.

Asperger’s syndrome is not caused by a person's upbringing or their social circumstances and is not the fault of the individual with the condition People are born with Aspergers, they don't just suddenly get it one day, but many Adults with are not diagnosed until they are in their 30's 40's or even 50's, so go their whole lives feeling that there is something wrong with them but not knowing why they do the things they do or feel the way they do.



IS THERE A CURE

There is currently no cure and no specific treatment for Asperger’s syndrome. Children with Asperger’s syndrome become adults with Asperger’s syndrome. However, as our understanding of the condition improves and services continue to develop, people with Asperger’s syndrome have more opportunity than ever of reaching their full potential thanks to Aspergers becoming more known and understood by people without Aspergers.



WHAT IS AUTISM

People with autism have said that the world, to them, is a mass of people, places and events which they struggle to make sense of, and which can cause them considerable anxiety. In particular, understanding and relating to other people, and taking part in everyday family and social life may be harder for them. Other people appear to know, intuitively, how to communicate and interact with each other, and some people with autism may wonder why they are 'different'.



How is Asperger’s syndrome diagnosed?

Asperger's syndrome is usually not diagnosed until a child is at least 3 years old, when social problems become apparent, although it may be diagnosed earlier. A diagnosis is based on a careful history of the child’s development, psychological and psychiatric assessments, communication tests, and the parents’ and clinicians’ shared observations.



Some Famous People With A.S



Albert Einstein

Bill Gates

Alfred Hitchcock

Dan Aykroyd

Jim Henson



STRENGTHS

People with Asperger’s syndrome often exhibit the following features:



.. Able to speak fluently and knowledgeably about specific subjects.

.. Good at memorising facts and figures about a specialised subject.

.. A high ability to focus and concentrate.

.. A tendency not to gossip.

.. Honesty and Directness.

.. Conscientiousness and dedication.

.. Tolerance of predictable work.

.. Reliability with regard to completing routine tasks

.. Intuitive and logical thinking

.. Can often visualise things from a perspective that most neurotypical people are incapable of visualising

.. Regularly notice small details overlooked by most neurotypical people

.. A person with Asperger’s syndrome can develop productive areas of specialisation in employment or in education. Those with talents in specific fields are more likely to succeed and flourish with understanding and forward planning



................

"I know of nobody who is purely Autistic or purely neurotypical. Even God had some Autistic moments, which is why the planets all spin." ~ Jerry Newport

.................



Please remember that Asperger’s Syndrome is often described as a 'spectrum disorder' because the condition affects people in many different ways and to varying degrees.

So yes there are certain characteristics that people with Aspergers have that help to diagnose them as having aspergers but everyone isnt affected to the same degree..

Some people with Aspergers can learn to mask their aspergers traits when they are in the company of others.. sometimes this is due to wanting to be like everyone else, or because of being afraid to seem weird or different, or maybe they were told that this is the way you act around other people..

Please dont lump all people with Aspergers into one group and say well you do this or you don't do this so you dont have aspergers .. or aspergers people dont do this, or aspergers people do this.



The list of Female Asperger Syndrome Traits..



Appearance/Personal Habits

Dresses comfortably due to sensory issues and practicality

Will not spend much time on grooming and hair. Hairstyles usually have to be 'wash and wear'.

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for her age, in looks, dress, behaviour and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than males with aspergers.

May have many androgynous traits despite an outwardly feminine appearance. Thinks of herself as half-male / half-female.

May not have a strong sense of identity, and can be chameleon-like (adapting to situations and people by becoming like them)

Enjoys reading and films as a retreat, often scifi, fantasy and children's books, films and TV. Can have favourites which are a refuge from everyday struggles.

Uses control of certain things as a stress management technique: rules, discipline, rigid in certain habits, which will contradict her seeming unconventionality.

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environments.

---------------------------------------------------------

Intellectual/giftedness/education/vocation

May have been diagnosed as autistic or Asperger's when young, or may have been thought of as gifted, shy, sensitive, etc.

Often musical or artistic

May have savant skill or string talent (s)

May have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, and things of a technological and visual nature. More verbal thinkers may gravitate to writing, languages, cultural studies, psychology.

May be highly educated but will have had to struggle with social aspects of college. May have one or many partial degrees

May have left school early because she couldn't cope with the social environment.

May be a self-taught reader, been hyperlexic as a child, and will possess a wide variety of other self-taught skills as well.

Can be very passionate about a course of study or job, and then change direction or go completely cold on it very quickly.

Will often have trouble holding onto a job and may find employment daunting.

Highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

Will not do well with verbal instructions - needs to write down or draw diagram.

Will have obsessions but they are not as unusual as males with aspergers. (she is less likely to be a train spotter)

---------------------------------------------------------

Emotional/Physical

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear predominant emotions.

More open to talking about feelings and emotional issues than males with Aspergers.

Strong sensory issues - sounds, sights, smells, touch and prone to overload. ( she is less likely to have taste / food texture issues which males with aspergers seem to have.)

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. May have been mis-diagnosed as Borderline personality, Bi-polar or Manic depressive (common comorbids of autism/aspergers)

9 out of 10 have mild to severe Gastro-intestinal difficulties - e.g. Ulcers, acid reflux, IBS, gastritis, etc.

Stims to sooth when sad or agitated: rocking, face-rubbing, humming, finger flicking or rubbing, leg bouncing, finger or foot tapping, etc.

Similarly physical when happy: bouncy, hand flapping, clapping, singing, jumping, running around, dancing, bouncing, etc.

Prone to temper or crying meltdown, even in public, sometimes over seemingly small things, due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice, whether to humans or animals, and hates to be misunderstood; this can incite anger and rage or depression.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, ESP, after a meltdown. Less likely to stutter than males with aspergers, but may have a raspy voice, monotone at times, when stressed or sad.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Social/Relationships

Words and actions are often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Is very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passions / obsessive interests.

Can be very shy or mute.

Like males with aspergers, she will shut down in social situations once overloaded, but is generally better at socializing in small does. May even give the appearance of being skilled socially but it is a performance.

Doesn't got out much. Will prefer to go out with partner only or children if she has them.

Will not have many girlfriends and will not do 'girly' things like shopping with them or having get togethers to 'hang out'.

Will possibly have have had a close friend or friends in school, but not once adulthood is reached.

May or may not want to have a relationship. If she is in a relationship, she probably takes it very seriously.

Often prefers the company of animals but not always due to sensory issues.



------------------------------------------------------------

For someone with Aspergers it can be stressful being around people you don't know or in groups where there are more than 2 or 3 people. People with aspergers need to know what is happening in certain things such as dinner plans for example.. Not having enough time to prepare mentally can be very stressful, as is having plans changed at the last minute, or going somewhere unfamiliar or somewhere they dont feel comfortable.

If someone you know has aspergers and they are not talking much its possible that they are feeling stressed by something, continuing to talk to them can make them more stressed.

People with aspergers are not sure of how to have conversations with other people, they are unsure of when to talk and sometimes say things that seem Strange or wrong or not even related to the conversation. They are not being rude by not talking and If asked they could probably tell you exactly what the conversation was about even though they hardly participated in it. So while they may not talk much they ARE listening. Try not to interupt someone with aspergers when they are talking because they will either wait patiently, yet felling very stressed, until they can continue what they were saying even if the conversation has moved on, or else they will stop talking and no longer participate in the conversation at all.