Today I do not have much to say, so I will share a couple of poems that I wrote... I currently have them in a manuscript that I plan to get published at some point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ Rainy Day “
I look at the rain,
As it splatters the window pain.
The clouds are so big and grey,
On this cold and windy day.
My wind chime tinkles just outside,
From the wind, it cannot hide.
But the rain is good I think,
Because it gives the plants a drink.
I like the rain, it washes things clean,
Makes the world look fresh and green.
So I will sit here watching the rain,
As it spatters on the window pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ Fairies “
The fairy moves around the fairy ring,
While other fairies dance and sing.
The music has a beautiful tune,
And it reaches up to touch the moon.
One fairy stands all alone,
A prettier fairy no one has known.
There is gold upon this fairy's wing,
Oh what a magical thing.
Glistening so very bright,
As she dances under the moonlight.
With animals, she has a bond,
And of her, they are very fond.
She calls out and they come with glee,
Because near her they want to be.
She reaches out to touch the horn,
Of the magical white unicorn.
He came because he loves her so,
And where she is he will always go.
Myth and legend they both may be,
But it is still a beautiful sight to see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ BBW “
I am a Big Beautiful girl,
But there are lots of us in the world.
What you think of me I don’t give a damn,
Because I am happy, the way I am.
I've tried diets, pills and exercise to,
Because people say that’s what I should do.
Society says being fat isn’t cool,
Well tell me who made up that stupid rule?
So a BBW that is what I will be,
Now take a look at what you see.
Is being big really that bad?
Do I look very unhappy and sad?
No, because I like me this way,
And being big is how I will stay.
But it doesn’t matter what size I choose to be,
Because no matter what I'll always be me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ The Snail “
I saw a little snail,
He looked a little down,
So I just had to ask him,
Why is it that you frown?
Well this is his reply....
Young lady, look at me,
Is a snail something,
That you would want to be?
I move so very slowly,
And I leave a slimy trail,
I carry my home around,
Because I am a snail.
There are other creatures,
Who would have me for a snack,
So I have to watch out,
In case, they try to attack.
People will try to kill me,
Because of what I eat,
But I can’t help it,
If I find their plants a treat.
So that is why I frown and so now you know.
Well it’s been nice talking to ya,
But now I really must go.
So I watched him move,
Leaving his silvery trail,
And I really must say,
I'm very glad that I am not a snail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ Spider “
There once was a big hairy spider,
Who looked down and there he did spy her,
The girl of his dream,
The one who would scream,
If he jumped down and tried to ride her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ Longing “
I sit and listen quietly,
To talk about children and pregnancies,
All the while its hurting me,
Because I long for my own baby.
Some days it doesn’t hurt as much,
And it can be sweet,
When I make myself believe,
I don’t need to hear the patter of little feet.
I am coming to terms,
With my empty womb,
And with the fact,
That I may never use the baby’s room.
But there are still days that come,
When I keep longing for,
Someone to call me MUM.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ Friends “
I will be there for you,
So, take my hand,
If you fall or don’t know what to do,
I will hold you and help you stand.
I will listen to your wishes,
And if you fall into the dirt,
I'll be there with lots of kisses,
To pick you up and heal the hurt.
I'll be there when you are happy and glad,
I'll always be there for you,
Especially when you’re upset and sad,
Because that’s what friend's do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
A question of Prejudice
Are people with Aspergers / Autism incapable of prejudice?
People with Asperger Syndrome often tend to be naive, to assume their own ethical level in others, which makes them sitting ducks.
Ancient tribal instincts like prejudice and xenophobia toward those outside their own tribe are impaired in some people with Aspergers, possibly because they are located in the same regions of the brain where the also impaired aspects of nonverbal communication are housed.
Lacking the social heuristics of prejudice and xenophobia, they may not recognize "evildoers" in time and end up in wrong company and being taken advantage of.
I know that for me I see people as people and do not care about things like race, skin colour, age, sex or anything like that and because my nature is to believe that people are as honest as I am I have gotten into situations where I have ended up with bad people who have hurt me or taken advantage of me.
I tend to be too open and honest with people and I expect people to be open and honest with me in return and this can get me into trouble, especially when I do not realise where boundries are that should not be crossed because it too personal or something. I am learning how to not be so open with people, which is hard because I tend to be either too open or too secretive because I try not to share any information about myself.
Of course if someone tells me a secret I will keep that secret forever... the only exception would be if by keeping the secret I was putting someone in danger, but I've never come across that type of secret.
Having Aspergers as an adult, to me is similar to having a split personality and I do not mean to offend anyone who has multiple personalities, but it is similar in a few ways because you are an adult and you can understand many things but also not understand them either. You can be too trusting but also know that people are willing to take advantage of that.
People with Asperger Syndrome often tend to be naive, to assume their own ethical level in others, which makes them sitting ducks.
Ancient tribal instincts like prejudice and xenophobia toward those outside their own tribe are impaired in some people with Aspergers, possibly because they are located in the same regions of the brain where the also impaired aspects of nonverbal communication are housed.
Lacking the social heuristics of prejudice and xenophobia, they may not recognize "evildoers" in time and end up in wrong company and being taken advantage of.
I know that for me I see people as people and do not care about things like race, skin colour, age, sex or anything like that and because my nature is to believe that people are as honest as I am I have gotten into situations where I have ended up with bad people who have hurt me or taken advantage of me.
I tend to be too open and honest with people and I expect people to be open and honest with me in return and this can get me into trouble, especially when I do not realise where boundries are that should not be crossed because it too personal or something. I am learning how to not be so open with people, which is hard because I tend to be either too open or too secretive because I try not to share any information about myself.
Of course if someone tells me a secret I will keep that secret forever... the only exception would be if by keeping the secret I was putting someone in danger, but I've never come across that type of secret.
Having Aspergers as an adult, to me is similar to having a split personality and I do not mean to offend anyone who has multiple personalities, but it is similar in a few ways because you are an adult and you can understand many things but also not understand them either. You can be too trusting but also know that people are willing to take advantage of that.
A Giving and Receiving Question
Are people with Aspergers / Autism lacking in reciprocity?
Civilized societies are based on the principle of reciprocity; of returning favours, sometimes often mistaken for altruism. People normally give with the expectation to receive something in return, and when given something, they feel obliged to return the favour. One gives to oblige. Without this principle, societies beyond the size of a tribe could not exist.
In some people with Asperger Syndrome, this mechanism is clearly absent. When given something, they feel no obligation.
And when they give, they give freely, without expecting anything in return.
They do not give to oblige, but are truly altruistic.
This applies not only to material giving, but also to communication, and is related to the long intervals in contact with others, the discontinuity, the apparent silence or having forgotten about the other person.
I am exactly like this, I like to give things to people that I care about, even when I can not afford to. I dont expect anything in return...
I am learning though that sometimes people take that for granted and are willing to use you to get things with the knowledge that you will not expect anything in return and will keep on giving.
Getting gifts makes me nervous for this reason, as I do not know if I am expected to give them something in return.
And like I have mentioned before I do go for very long times without being in contact with people and yet I understand that most NT people like to have lots of contact and they can not understand that I still care and think about them even when I do not talk to them.
I think sometimes that is an issue with having a brain that is wired differently.. I can understand that people like to have regular contact, but even knowing that; I can not program my brain to do it. Its kind of like having a short circuit I guess.
Civilized societies are based on the principle of reciprocity; of returning favours, sometimes often mistaken for altruism. People normally give with the expectation to receive something in return, and when given something, they feel obliged to return the favour. One gives to oblige. Without this principle, societies beyond the size of a tribe could not exist.
In some people with Asperger Syndrome, this mechanism is clearly absent. When given something, they feel no obligation.
And when they give, they give freely, without expecting anything in return.
They do not give to oblige, but are truly altruistic.
This applies not only to material giving, but also to communication, and is related to the long intervals in contact with others, the discontinuity, the apparent silence or having forgotten about the other person.
I am exactly like this, I like to give things to people that I care about, even when I can not afford to. I dont expect anything in return...
I am learning though that sometimes people take that for granted and are willing to use you to get things with the knowledge that you will not expect anything in return and will keep on giving.
Getting gifts makes me nervous for this reason, as I do not know if I am expected to give them something in return.
And like I have mentioned before I do go for very long times without being in contact with people and yet I understand that most NT people like to have lots of contact and they can not understand that I still care and think about them even when I do not talk to them.
I think sometimes that is an issue with having a brain that is wired differently.. I can understand that people like to have regular contact, but even knowing that; I can not program my brain to do it. Its kind of like having a short circuit I guess.
Friday, April 13, 2012
It is said people with Asperger Syndrome can not lie. This is true for some of us but not all... we are all different, many of us do not lie, mostly because we are just not good at it and so there is no point, for others its because we do not see a need to lie as we find nothing wrong with being honest.
Those who can lie may only tell white lies, as they dont want to upset someone as we have learnt that little lies are expected to seem "normal" .. as in ... "That colour looks really good on you."
Some people with Aspergers do lie all the time. I do not know how many people with Aspergers are able to do this but as with all humans we do all fit the stereo type.
It is nowhere more clear than in the person with Asperger who can not lie, that ethical values come from within and are not learnt from educators or influenced by social environment.
I personally do not see the need to lie, I can tell white lies if I realise that its the best thing so as not to hurt or upset someone, but if you ask me something or I say something you can be sure that 99% of the time I am being completely honest with you.
I have had people tell me that I am too honest and open and I try not to be but its just an automatic thing for me to be honest.
I have found that people do not expect someone to be honest, so even when you tell the truth, people sometimes think you are lying. That I find frustrating. But I guess NT people are used to being lied to so they can not understand it when someone is completely honest with them.
I find that a very interesting phenomenon.
Those who can lie may only tell white lies, as they dont want to upset someone as we have learnt that little lies are expected to seem "normal" .. as in ... "That colour looks really good on you."
Some people with Aspergers do lie all the time. I do not know how many people with Aspergers are able to do this but as with all humans we do all fit the stereo type.
It is nowhere more clear than in the person with Asperger who can not lie, that ethical values come from within and are not learnt from educators or influenced by social environment.
I personally do not see the need to lie, I can tell white lies if I realise that its the best thing so as not to hurt or upset someone, but if you ask me something or I say something you can be sure that 99% of the time I am being completely honest with you.
I have had people tell me that I am too honest and open and I try not to be but its just an automatic thing for me to be honest.
I have found that people do not expect someone to be honest, so even when you tell the truth, people sometimes think you are lying. That I find frustrating. But I guess NT people are used to being lied to so they can not understand it when someone is completely honest with them.
I find that a very interesting phenomenon.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Overwhelmed
Today I saw a Model Train layout on youtube that is so amazing... its huge and has so many moving parts and looks so realistic... I got so excited that I burst into tears... I want my husbands model train layout to be that good and that real, but it cant be because to be that good I would need loads of space and millions of dollars...
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