What's it like being Autistic ?

I was recently asked this questions. "Whats it like being Autistic?"

I am not sure of how you could answer it....

I am not sure of how to answer it because I've been the way I am all my life even if I didn't know it for most of it, but I don't know anything other than the way I am, so how can I possibly answer this question?

Of course I am taking this question literally and maybe it wasn't meant literally... but I think its a great question for my blog.

I don't know what life is like for someone who is neuro-typical, so how can I compare my myself to something I have no experience with.

Yet I think there are many people around who bridge the gap between neuro-typical and autistic people.

To me neuro-typical people seem like they have a great deal of confidence in regards to socializing, they can call a friend on the phone and talk for a few minutes or a few hours and then call them back to talk more the same day or the next day.

Yet I know of many people who are neuro-typical who have phone phobia and don't like to talk on the phone.

I only feel comfortable talking on the phone with people I really feel comfortable with, such as my husband and my niece... in fact they are really the only 2 people I do talk on the phone with.

I just don't feel comfortable talking on the phone because part of me isn't interested in talking about social things or just chit-chatting and part of me worries about taking things literally and there being misunderstandings.

One issue I have with conversations is that, normally there is no emotion involved in what I stay...

So if I say something like ... Why do you wait till the last minute to brake? .... ( as in stopping a car )

I am not criticizing or upset or angry I am just curious and wish to know .... but most people take it as me criticizing their driving or that I am upset at how they drive.

A lot of what I say seems to come across that way.... but I really am just trying to state facts or I am curious. .... I have no ulterior motive in what I do.

But that seems to be a strange concept to many neuro-typical people, as many (nt) people seem to think that other people have an ulterior motive for what they do or say.

Now as for social interaction, I do not feel the need to go shopping for clothes and shoes and I do not feel the need to go out for coffee... I am not saying I don't enjoy these things if I do do them ... ok well the shopping for clothes I really don't enjoy, but going for a coffee and spending time with people I feel comfortable and safe with is enjoyable... but I do not feel the need to do these things and unless someone actually comes to my place and says I'm taking you out for a coffee, then I don't do them very often.

The only person I do do these things with any way is my husband .... I have no girlfriends...

Maybe like dogs, people can sense a difference, and stay away.... I think I am probably hard to connect with and it seems that many (nt) people do not have the ability or the will to be the one who initiates and gives more in the social stakes of a possible friendship. Its obviously hard work keeping a friendship going when you are the one who seems to do all the work.

Its strange because I do know that some Autistic people seem to have a good friend base, of course I know of many who like me only have social interaction with a spouse or child or other family member.

So just on the above alone being Autistic seems very confusing and lonely ...

Confusing .... yes ... but only when I have to work out human interactions and be part of the (nt) world.

Lonely.... Yes it can be, as its not like I don't want friends, I do, but I am just not good at keeping them and when I do they all seem to end up like just an acquaintance rather than an actual friend.

What else can I say about what its like to be Autistic ?

Hmmmm ....

Its emotional .... I can be happy one minute and then suddenly I will have a meltdown ... which is a little embarrassing because I may blow up and yell and get angry and then burst into tears and cry... or I may just burst into tears... Normally a meltdown happens when I have been over stressed... a number of things have happened in my life and it just builds up, or I might be over stimulated by one situation, like when I go to the shops and there are so many people that they get too close to me and I get overwhelmed.

I try not to have meltdowns in public, but by controlling it enough to get to a safe or private place I am in fact adding to the overwhelming situation by holding the stress in.

Many times after a meltdown I will actually end up mute... this is a horrible feeling because I can not talk even if I want to... I can talk in my mind but words wont come out of my mouth... it can last anything from 10 minutes to a few hours ...


*** Will continue this later as I must head to bed right now ***

*** Edit... its been a few days now since this post .. I dont think I will finish it as I may move on to something else. ***