I dont like my IQ score ...

I have Aspergers ...

My IQ is in the Very Superior range which is 130 and above ... mine is 136 if you are wondering..

Yet I got a second test done a few years later so I could try and get a lower score.. I did get a lower score of 122, which is in the Superior range.. I had hoped to get a score closer to normalm which is between 90 and 110..

You are probably wondering why I would want a lower IQ score ...

The fact is that I dont want to be smart... I learnt early on that if people know you are smart they expect more from you, and when you dont deliver they are upset..

Also being smart can make you a target, so being of normal intelligence means you are less likely to be hurt...

I was about 5 or 6 when a teacher told mum she was amazed because I could spell Telephone correctly when no one else my age could.. That was when I started to learn to not be smart..

I enjoy watching people, because by watching I learn how normal people should act and react in situations... So I can then pass myself off as normal..

I've learnt that people prefer it if you look in their eyes when they talk and you talk, it shows you are listening...

I can look people in the eye 99% of the time.. although sometimes I look to intently, which aparently also upsets people at times ...

When I am upset or stressed I hum or move my fingers, tapping or touching, or I move some part of me.. a lot of the time if I am around other people I can catch myself before anyone else notices.

When I am really really stressed out I become mute, and cant talk even if I want to, and believe me I have tried to talk while mute and my brain just wont allow it.

I am at times like a little child and when I need comforting I will grab a teddy to hold.

Most People dont get to see what Aspergers is like for me because I hide it from them, even though to do so makes me stressed.

The only person who knows me completely is my husband, he is the one who cares for me, makes sure that I feel loved, happy and secure.. He looks after me when I cant look after myself very well.. He deals with my meltdowns, anger and crying and stress.

He is an angel / saint, because even though I know I am hard to handle sometimes, he still loves me, so much.