Empathy - n. The power of identifying oneself mentally with (and so fully comprehending) a person or object of contemplation.
Empathise - v. Excercise empathy (I can empathise with you)
Many people believe that people with Aspergers are not able to feel empathy, this isnt really true... there may of course be aspies out there who can not empathise at all, but it seems most of us can. We just do not empathise in the same way as NT people do so it seems to them that we have no empathy.
But it is now being found that Aspies in fact may have too much empathy which overloads us and makes us look like we do not empathise with anyone.
I know that when my mother died, it was 2 months exactly before my 21st birthday and just 11 months after I lost my unborn baby daughter.
My father and one of my sisters ended up making an appointment with a councellor for me as they had not seen me cry or show any emotion for the loss of my mother, so they felt that there was something wrong with me.
Yet I was grieving in my own way and talking about it with a complete stranger (who ended up telling me I was fine and that I was rather extrodinary in my thinking) was not going to change the fact that I had lost my mother, the only person who was not only my mother but my best friend, my comfort, my support... the only person who ever really showed me any love, trust, respect and accepted me for me no matter what I said or did or didnt do... even after 19 years of not having her in my life I still miss her and wish that she was here or that I could have one last day with her to tell her how much I love her and how special she is to me.
For the first 4 to 6 years that she was gone I brought her birthday cards and mothers day cards and filled them out with things I wanted to say to her, I stopped after a while as I realised I was going to get a very large collection of cards if I kept going.
So I may not have cried and screamed and carried on when everyone could see me but it doesnt mean I didnt cry in private at times when I missed her more than normal. It also doesnt mean that I didnt do other things to express my pain.
Recently my Mother-in-Law of nearly 17 years was diagnosed with a health issue that can be life threatening... I've known this lady for nearly as long as I knew my own mother and she is the closest thing to a mother I have had since I lost my mum as I met her only a year after I lost mum, and if you consider that for the first few years of my life I dont really remember my mum then really I probably have known my mother-in-law for as long as I knew my mum.
My Mother-in-laws diagnosis has really effected me, yet it may not seem that way because I dont express it the way NT people would... I have not started to support that cause more than I used to, I have not expressed in words or deeds how much this has effected me...
What I have done is rub and scratch a spot on my head close to my fringe so much that I have actually broken the hairs in that area and now have a patch of hair that is nearly as short as my scalp... it doesnt seem to be hugely noticeable and hopefully I can stop doing it now that I am completely aware that I have been doing it.
I've also gotten emotionally upset over other issues and the loss of pet rats more than I normally would and I will be fine one minute but the next I will be overwhelmed by emotions... so yes I may not show emotion / stress / empathy in the way you would expect a person to, but if you look really close and then look closer still you can see that I am upset and have been effected by this situation.
I would also like to add that while online I do ((hug)) a lot when I think it is needed, in person I am not a hugger, if you ask for a hug or just hug me and I feel comfortable with you then I will hug you but probably not for long... and this along with my dislike of handshaking can also make me see less emotional than I am.
But when it comes to people I am really close to, like my husband I enjoy hugs and often ask for a hug... except if I have had a mini meltdown, large meltdown or am just really emotional, then I dont like to be touched at all until I have calmed down a bit as being hugged when in that state is really uncomfortable for me.... so where NT people want to be hugged when they are emotional and upset, I am the opposite because of my Aspergers, and I think that is also what lead people to assume that Aspies had no emotion or empathy.
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