Mixed Thoughts

Sometimes I worry that I will get stuck in my own head and not be able to get out again.

I dont know if I can explain what I mean by that but I will try.

Sometimes I feel like its so hard to come out and talk and be part of the world. As if my body isnt mine and it takes too much to make it work. Its easier to just stay in the body and not be part of whats going on other than as a watcher.

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I am getting a keyboard - electric piano type -

I tried to play guitar when I was a child but I had to play it left handed, even though I am normally right handed, except when I eat, and I didnt like how the strings hurt my fingers.

I used to mess around with the school piano after school, primary school, as my mother used to clean there and I would stay to help her.

When I got to high school I had music class and I  wanted to learn the saxaphone but my parents wouldnt let me, but during music class I got to learn the piano a little and was able to play Amazing Grace.

But I never really did more than one term of music class and so never really got to learn completely.

Now I am getting a keyboard and will try to teach myself and maybe if I feel brave I may try to take music lessons.. but I am not sure I could do that.

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On Friday one of my puppies went to her new home... I was so sad after she left as I missed her so much... but I am glad she has a loving home with someone who will love her very much.

I had hoped that my nephew would adopt the boy puppy but he says that now he isnt able to... I dont really want the boy to go to someone else now...

I really want him to go to someone I know so I can see him if I want to. I wonder if my father-in-law would want him as a fathers day present ?

Probably not, although it would be  agreat way to get me over there to visit more often. :)

I have been hoping that I would will a million dollars with the lotto so I could buy a bigger house on a bigger property, then I could just keep the pups myself.

But I think I stand a better chance of losing 40 kg in weight than I do of winning the lotter... If you knew me you would realise that losing 40 kg in weight is nearly impossible for me as I have PCOS which makes it easy for me to put on weight but hard to take it off.

I already eat child size portions of food and prefer organic foods and foods that are fresh and healthy.

I'm a contradiction in regards to weight as looking at what I eat I should be about 80 kg or less yet I am plus sized.

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I have started to use these things for my fingernails, that are like nail polish but you peel it of and stick it on your nails and thats it all you do.

Normal nail polish tends to peel and chip within a day or two, normally within the first hour even, but these stick on nail polish stays on for at least a week or more. Its great.

But its hard to get everyone to fix exactly on my nails, so sometimes it doesnt look as good as it could.